4 Ways To Keep Your Sanity When Caring For a Sick Child

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Today, I’m answering a question posed by one of our group members. I’m certain many women experience the same pattern(s)as her. I hope my answer and advice helps all of you.

Question: “I seem to be stuck and need some insights. As you all know I have been ill and so has my family. I noticed a pattern that has been plaguing me since last February. All will be well and then my son will get sick or go on one of his teething spurts and of of course I will be up at night with him and I begin to get run down. Every time I tell myself “I am good and healthy I can maintain and take care of my son.” And every time just as he starts getting better BOOM I get sick. Then I am down and just as I BARELY begin to recover BOOM he starts up with being up again. Then I get set back. And then the cycle repeats itself. I have spent countless hours begging and praying and trying all different ways to change this pattern. And it never changes. Here I am again, I am on the 2nd night of almost 0 hours of sleep in a row, and for the past week if I got 5 hours per night I have been lucky. I want this pattern to end but I have no idea how I am contributing to it! Thank you!”

You are a mom. It doesn’t matter if we are caring for a newborn, a toddler or a ten-year-old, when our child is sick, most of us put the “superwoman” mask right on. We try to do everything possible (and impossible) to help our family feel better. Without knowing the specifics of your family or relationship conditions, I’d like to offer advice on how to prevent the emotional and physical burnout that too often accompanies parenting, and/ or taking care of children.

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1. Are you allowing to receive a help from others?
The first thing that comes to my mind is, how is your significant other helping you cope with the situation and what sounds like a repeating pattern? As a mom, you need to rest and take care of yourself, but, we often try to be “superwomen” and do not even ask for help. We believe that we can manage the situation by ourselves. Are you allowing others to help you? By others, that doesn’t only mean your partner, it can also include other family members, friends or neighbours. Any and all assistance helps and can ease your burden if even just a little bit. Someone could assist with the dishes, cooking, doing the laundry or playing with your child once they’ve improved. You can take the time to catch  up on your sleep and re-build your own immune system. Most of the time, if we ask, help is available; however, our conditioning and our beliefs prevent us from even thinking to ask. Far too often, we associate asking for help with our own sense of guilt, we feel as though we are not good enough. Perhaps you carry the belief that you are not trying hard enough which leads us down the slippery path of feeling like a failure (as a mother, wife and person) when we are unable to manage the situation by ourselves.
Take a moment to go “within” to re-evaluate how you actually feel while taking care of your child and not getting the sleep your body NEEDS.  Remember, the Universe always responds to our vibration. If we are sending out a vibration of a need to handle everything alone in order to feel that  worthy, the Universe will continue to provide experiences that prove this belief you hold. Genuinely ask yourself, are you allowing yourself to receive help from others? Do you feel worthy of allowing others to help you?

2. Removing the stress we create

When we face danger or experience any kind of stress our body shifts into survival mode, thus shutting off all reproductive functions (for example cell reproduction) to focus all of our energy to the functions we need to survive the stressful experience. This is one of the reasons why we become sick as our kids’ start to get better. While our kids are sick, we experience a huge amount of stress (including worry and a lack of sleep). Our body knows that it needs to survive this period and perfectly adjusts to that. Once the stressful event is over our body returns to natural functioning, however as a result of having functioned in survival mode for a period of time, our immune system has weakened and we are much more susceptible to falling ill ourselves.
 As I see it, we have to remove stress from the the equation. Of course we worry when a loved one is sick, that is a very natural reaction to the circumstance; however, we must take it a step further and we MUST also take care of ourselves. Self care can include taking vitamins, meditating, getting our Chakras aligned with a healing, etc.  As I wrote above, you must also take care of yourself by ensuring you are rested, or sleeping lot while your child sleeps. Do your best NOT to think about the chores you have on your to-do list.

 

3. Letting Go: A Lesson
This is a big one. “Lessons in life will be repeated until they are learned”, I love this quote and often remember it when facing a challenge.
Life speaks to us and provides us with the lessons we need to learn,  repeating the process until we actually learn it. Have you noticed this in your life? You find  yourself in the same situation over and over? Our experiences are repeated  until we finally get it.
So, with the repeating pattern above, try to tune in to understand what is life trying to tell you.
For me, it was a lesson of Letting go.
Letting go is a huge lesson that many of us are prodded to learn. We humans do not like let go, we try to prove a point, be perfect and look good in the eyes of others in order to feel worthy. Is it possible that with this repeating pattern life is trying to tell you to learn to let go? Let go of feeling like you need to do everything alone, let go of trying to prove that you can manage it all, let go of trying to plan the immediate future (for example, being anxious about missing a day or two at work because of your son’s illness), let go of a need to wash the dishes, do the laundry or write an email while your son is sleeping?
Simply let go of everything and focus on your son’s and your well-being. Let go of the need to control how the next few days will look, let go of what you have planned before your son became ill. Simply focus on the current moment to the best of your ability. Enjoy every minute of the time you spend with your son. Be grateful that he is home with you with a mild virus and not in the hospital.
Let go of the need to be a perfect wife, mom, daughter or friend. The people who love you will undoubtedly understand. Learn to resist the urge to respond immediately to incoming messages,emails or questions. Turn the phone and the computer off. Sleep at the same time your son sleeps or rests.  When you learn to let go, the negative pattern is broken.

 

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4. The EGO
In his novel “A New Earth”,  Eckhart Tolle describes Ego as The Illusory Self.  He explains that the EGO is the process of identifying ourselves with objects (possessions), roles, gender, nationality, religion, or profession since our birth. In the simplest terms, EGO is the thoughts we have about ourselves.

How does removing Ego help us to feel better and prevent  burnout?

We identify with our role(s) and/or profession, in this example, a wife, mom, employee or a business women.  Once that identity is threatened, our Ego fires hundreds of thoughts to fight the change and keep the known identity exactly as is. This includes negative and limiting thoughts that will keep us “safe” and maintain the status quo. We may identify as a perfect mother, a great wife, a reliable and hard working employee and this becomes both our security and identity.  With some work, you can tune in to your mind and see how this EGO game is played. What thoughts are you having when feeling anxious about future or about the lack of time and energy to clean your house the way you normally would? What thoughts are swirling  in your mind if you consider that you might not meet pre-arranged work deadlines? Do you feel like your identity is threatened?
Remember, we create our own suffering by holding onto our negative beliefs and limitations.
Hope the above helps to break the negative pattern. Let me know how it goes.
Love, Daniela
Stay in touch with me daily, get free tips and tools how to live healthy, wealthy and without stress, or ask questions! Join me in my private Facebook group. Talk to you soon. 🙂

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Daniela Sulek is the founder of Madamesque and the Ultimate Life Transformation Mentor. She shows people how easy it is to enjoy happy and healthy today and attract amazing possibilities and people tomorrow using mind-body psychology and the natural laws. You can connect with Daniela in her private FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/YourLifeYourWayWithMadamesque/

About Daniela Sulek

Daniela Sulek is the founder of Madamesque and the Ultimate Life Transformation Mentor. She shows people how easy it is to enjoy happy and healthy today and attract amazing possibilities and people tomorrow using mind-body psychology and the natural laws. You can connect with Daniela in her private FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/YourLifeYourWayWithMadamesque/

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